Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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