my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
