It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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