i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
