So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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