I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
