So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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