She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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