I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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