One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
