so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
