My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
