38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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