i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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