and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
