Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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