The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dick very happy bro
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
