I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
