What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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