guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
