i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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