I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
