im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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