So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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