you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
