How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
