so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Houston, we have a blender
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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