My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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