There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
