Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
