well you can't waste a boner
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize