phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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