Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
