i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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