You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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