I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
