I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
