I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Life is so much better after having sex.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
