i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
