She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
