PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
