I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize