is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
