before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
