I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
