do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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