Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
