pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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