I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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