Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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