Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
