today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize