I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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