in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
