So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
