She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
