Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
