why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
