i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
