If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
