Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How's work?
Spinning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
