Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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