I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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