They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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