I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize