I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize