turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
