Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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