apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
