We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So vagazzling was a success
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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