we made out on top of his cat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
