yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
