Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
