I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
where are my eyebrows?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
